Our Need To Communicate

Class today was an introduction to basic communication principles. Isn't it interesting how we communicate in different ways? What is a strength to some is a weakness to others -  And isn't it interesting that when pressure is applied (your grade depends on it, you only have 3 minutes to complete, etc), how communication sometimes breaks down when you need it to be the most clear? 

I was thinking about the basic human needs we all learned when we were in 5th grade science: 1. Food. 2. Clothing. 3. Shelter. We all took one human need for granted--it didn't even make that list. The fourth need is our absolute need to communicate.

We need communication to SURVIVE, not just THRIVE.

I'll give you a poignant example: Frederick II, (emperor of Germany from 1196 to 1250), wanted to know what language was innate in humans, so he took 100 infants from his kingdom away fro their mothers (can you imagine?!), roughly the same age--and used them in what one medieval historian called "one of his most significant, if inhumane, experiments."

"He bade foster mothers and nurses to suckle the children, to bathe and wash them but in no way to prattle with the, for he wanted to learn whether they would speak the Hebrew language, which was the oldest, or Greek, or Latin, or Arabic, or perhaps the language of their parents, of whom they had been born. But he labored in vain because all of the children died. For they could not live without the petting and joyful faces and loving words of their foster mothers."

ALL of our basic needs are either directly connected to, or facilitated by communication. The ability to forge relationships is fundamental for human survival and success. It's as vital as the water and food our bodies must have in order to live.

The very first pages of the text we use in class gives an example of someone playing the "silent treatment" as a child. Anyone ever play that "game?" Been the recipient? I remember getting the silent treatment from my older siblings when I was a child. That was the WORST POSSIBLE TORTURE they could dole out. At first I tried really hard to ignore it--to act indifferent. But it wasn't long before a wider range of emotions took over. Sadness, anger, betrayal, loss...grief--and every emotion in between. I remember getting the silent treatment from a group of girls in elementary school. The pain I felt on the playground I still feel today when I think of it. Adults (as well as children) have used the silent treatment in virtually every society as a TOOL to express displeasure & gain control. I love the example the text gives about Senator John McCain. When he was a Navy Pilot, he was shot down over North Vietnam and held as a POW for over 6 years, often in solitary confinement. He describes the importance of communicating:

"The punishment for communicating could be severe, and a few POWs, having been caught and beaten for their efforts, had their spirits broken as their bodies were battered. Terrified of a return trip to the punishment room, they would lie still in their cells when their comrades tried to tap them up on the wall. Very few would remain uncommunicative for long. To suffer all this alone was less tolerable than torture. Withdrawing in silence from the fellowship of other Americans..was to us the approach of death."

Our need to communicate, and our effectiveness at it can determine so many things. It can enhance our physical health. It can maintain our emotional well-being. It shapes our self-concept. It satisfies our need for attention and affection.

Consider this scripture: When Adam was placed in the Garden of Eden, what was the first thing God said? Genesis Ch 2:18 - "And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone." What I used to think that meant was that men were just no good without the women in their lives. :-) Now while that may be completely true (and I'll be glad to provide you with empirical examples...), it goes deeper than that. Man (meaning all of us) was created to communicate with others. We need others to survive and thrive.

We will literally die without it.

Let it be a dance we do.
May I have this dance with you?
Through the good ties
And the bad times, too,
Let it be a dance.

Learn to follow, learn to lead,
Feel the rhythm, fill the need.
To reap the harvest, plant the seed.
And let it be a dance.

Morning star comes out at night,
Without the dark there is no light.
If nothing's wrong, then nothing's right.
Let it be a dance.

-Ric Masten

(re-posted in part from one of my earlier posts...)