Perception! February 4 2011

It was six men of Indostan

To learning much inclined

Who went to see the elephant

Though all of them were blind

That each by observation

Might satisfy his mind

The first approached the elephant 

   And, happening to fall

Against the broad and sturdy side

At once began to bawl:

“Why, bless me! But the elephant

Is very much like a wall!”

The second, feeling of the tusk,

Cried:  “Ho!  What have we here

So very round and smooth and sharp?

To me, ‘tis very clear,

This wonder of an elephant

Is very like a spear!”

The third approached the animal,

And, happening to take

The squirming trunk within his hands

Thus boldly up he spake:

“I see,” quoth he, “the elephant

Is very like a snake!”

The fourth reached out his eager hand

And felt about the knee:

“What most this wondrous beast is like

Is very plain,”  quoth he:

“Tis clear enough the elephant

Is very like a tree!”

The fifth who chanced to touch the ear

Said:  “E’en the blindest man

Can tell what this resembles most—

Deny the fact who can:

This marvel of an elephant

Is very like a fan!”

The sixth no sooner had begun

About the beast to grope

Than, seizing on the swinging tail

That fell within his scope,

“I see,”  quoth he, “the elephant

is very like a rope!”

And so these men of Indostan

Disputed loud and long,

Each in his own opinion

Exceeding stiff and strong;

Though each was partly in the right,

And all were in the wrong.

John G. Saxes “The Men of Indostan & the Elephant.”  

Do any of us have a clue what reality really is?   Will we ever? 

(These are questions I ask myself when all my chores are finished for the evening, there's nothing good on TV, and my Farmville crops are all harvested.)

Anais Nin said, "We don't see things as they are.  We see things as we are."  How true!  My perception of the world and everything in it comes from the perception lenses I am looking through.  And my lenses have all sorts of things already on it:  My prejudices, my religious beliefs, my gender, my personal experiences, my roles in society, my age, etc etc etc!  How in the world can I truly tell what reality really is?  All I can do is hope for a consensus.   A shared perception. And even that differs.  

Perception is a process.  And that process involves selection, organization, interpretation, and negotiation.  First, we must select what it is that we perceive. Sometimes that's done for us, other times we get to choose.   But it has to be selected before we can perceive it.  Our senses are literally feeding us too much information all the time for us to perceive everything, so choices have to be made.  Think about how much you're missing right now by reading this.  Are you hearing the buzz of the computer?  The taste and coldness of the ice cream you dished up for yourself to eat while surfing the net (oh wait, that was me)?  How your clothes feel on your body?  Probably not. Why? Because you've selected something else.  Make sense? 

So why do we select things?  

·         We may select things because we need it (you might not notice an emergency call box on the freeway until you get a flat tire for example), or 

·         We may select things when we are perceptually ready for them (how many things do we miss because we're literally not "ready" to perceive them), but we still need to select them.  

·         We may be influenced to select something because of its intensity (the loudest voice in the room), 

·         its repetition (reference SHAM WOW commercials! UGH), 

·         its familiarity (you notice a McDonalds in Japan because it's like home), 

·         its novelty (put your keys in the refrigerator and see who notices. The ones who notice will be the same people who cannot find the gallon of milk when it’s staring them in the face). 

·         or its proximity (has someone ever been physically closer to you than you're comfortable, and you notice things because you can't seem to help it?  Example-I noticed my high school sports coach had really bad breath most of the time.  Why? Because he was always in my face!).

After we select what it is we perceive, we have to organize it.  Contrary to what your car, your house, or your room looks like, human beings are incredibly organized.  We have to be!  Otherwise nothing would make sense to us.  This is where perceptual schemas come in. How do we organize others for example?  The perceptual schemas we use shape the way we think about and communicate with others.  It doesn’t make it right or wrong, it just helps us organize.   We classify others:

·         by their appearance (male, female, beautiful, average, young, old, etc)? 

·         by social roles (student, teacher, wife, husband, etc)?

·         by interaction style (friendly, helpful, aloof, sarcastic, etc.)?

·         by psychological traits (curious, nervous, insecure, etc.)? 

·         by membership (Mormon, Catholic, BYU-I student, Cowboys fan, etc.)?  

I do this activity in class where I have someone with a relatively good self concept come and just stand in the middle of the room.  Then I say to the students:  "Tell me what you see--just shout it out."  In every class that I have done for years and years, they have always shouted out things in this order:  1.  appearance/physical characteristics. 2. behavioral or psychological descriptors (interaction style, psychological traits), and 3.  social roles or membership.  Isn't that interesting?  Every single class, every single time.  Interesting!

Picture your brain as a huge filing cabinet.  And in that filing cabinet we have a file for everything that we perceive.  The reason the file even exists in the first place represents selection.  Where we have it filed is organization.  And what we choose to put in that file is interpretation.  

Then after we organize what it is we perceive, we have to attach meaning to it all--interpretation.    Another activity I do in class is play portions of all different kinds of music, and have students free write what comes into their minds as each music clip is played.  While some of us will share a perception, we all have individual interpretations of each selection of music.  Why?  Why, with the same music, do we all have different interpretations?  Why do we interpret the same stimuli (people, music, movies, experiences, events, etc etc etc) so differently?  Consider applying any of these factors to any thing that we would perceive: 

                Our degree of involvement.  (IE-Is it George Strait that’s playing?  To me, George is my favorite singer.  I have invested a lot of time and money to make that known.  Therefore, I have different perceptions of him than others do. And of course, I had to put an image of George Strait on here, because it's my blog after all!.)

Our own personal experiences.  (IE-Michael Jackson’s song “Billie Jean” sure means more to me than to the students in my class.  Why?  I remember the Mo-Town awards show in 1984 where he performed that song and the moonwalk for the very first time.  IT WAS A BIG DEAL.)

Assumptions.  (IE-The opening bars of “The Age of Aquarius” sounds very “Star-Trekky,” so a lot of my students start writing about space-related things.  They assume it’s the soundtrack to some space adventure.  Then when they find out that this was a song popular in the 60s, perceptions change.)

Attitudes.  (IE-When I play a good solid bluegrass music clip, I cannot tell you how many times I have heard “I don’t like country music.”  Our attitudes can certainly affect how we perceive something.) 

Expectations. (IE-I also play some really hard music by Atreyu.  Not the “normal” kind of music that a BYUI teacher would have on her iPod.  So when it comes blaring out, I always get interesting comments.  “I don’t expect that to come from your I-Pod!” comments). 

Knowledge.  (IE-One of the pieces I play is Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven.  I enjoy that piece probably more than most because I know the story behind it.  Therefore, it impacts my interpretation of it). 

Self-Concept. (The way we feel about ourselves impacts everything we choose to perceive.  Perceptions of music clips are most definitely impacted by how you feel about yourself.  Music is so expressive—that’s why we like it right!?  If more negative terms creep in during this exercise, it may mean a more negative self-concept.)

Relational Satisfaction. (Yep. Your relational happiness level can impact everything.  Unhappy people in relationships are more likely than happy ones to make negative interpretations of things..including music pieces).   

A big part of making sense of our own perceptions happens as we communicate with others.  We can influence one another’s perceptions to try and share a perspective.  This is negotiation.    Picture life as an exchange of stories.  We get opportunities to share our own personal story…our own autobiographies—throughout our lives (in our “novels,” our own personal stories would be called narratives).  But a lot of times we don’t agree on the “details,” so we clash.  For instance:  picture an event in your life where other people were involved.  Would they describe things like you did?  Ask two kids who are fighting with each other the reason they’re fighting, and I guarantee you will get different responses.  When we clash with our perceptual narratives, we have a choice to make.  We can either hang on to our own (which is human nature, yet is usually not productive), or we can try to negotiate a narrative that all parties can agree on.  That doesn’t mean however, that what you come up with is the truth!

Aren’t humans complex?  J 

So what influences our perceptions?  Good question, I’m glad you asked.  J   

Physiological Influences: 

1.        Senses.  Each of us smells, hears, sees, tastes, & touches things differently.  Now think about how that can impact our interpersonal relationships.  For example – my husband Eric is always warm.  He would be as happy as a clam sleeping in our room in December with the windows open and only a sheet.  I, on the other hand, still have my electric blanket turned on in July.  We constantly have conversations on what temperature is acceptable, each of us having our own perceptions. 

2.       Biological cycles.  Yep, I’ll just go ahead and get it out there.  But women aren’t the only ones to have cycles (take that guys)! For instance, we all know whether we are a “morning person” or a “night person.”  That is part of a biological cycle, and can totally influence the way we relate to one another.  So guys, you’re not off the hook on this one (however, my husband says that there are a few days each month where he just retreats to his “man-cave”). 

3.       Age.  With age comes experience that shape perceptions  (yes, Mom, that means you’re right).

4.       Hunger. I know I get grouchy when I haven’t eaten, which totally impacts my decisions and perceptions.  So get mama some food!

5.       Health. Remember the last time you had the flu?  Hopefully you didn’t have to make any life-changing decisions at that time, because I bet your decisions would have been impacted by the way you felt. 

6.       Fatigue.  Ever seen the reality show “Bridezilla?”   Most of those women aren’t really that awful, they are just tired & need a serious nap. 

7.       Psychological issues.  The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that between 5-7 million of Americans are affected by ADD/ADHD or Bi-Polar disorder. That’s just two disorders—that’s not even counting the multiple other psychological issues that can influence people’s perceptions. 

Cultural Influences.  Every culture has its own way of looking at the world and the people in it.  Keeping this in mind can help us understand others’ perceptions.  The range of differences in cultural perceptions is endless.  For example:  In Middle Eastern countries, personal scents plan an important role in interpersonal relationships.  Arabs consistently breathe on people when they talk. As anthropologist Edward Hall explains: 

“To smell one’s friend is not only nice, but desirable, for to deny him your breath is to act ashamed.  Americans, on the other hand, trained as they are not to breathe in people’s faces, automatically communicate shame in trying to be polite.  Who would expect that when our highest diplomats are putting on their best manners they are also communicating shame? Yet this is what occurs constantly, because diplomacy is not only “eyeball to eyeball” but breath to breath.”

Even the value cultures put on talk varies so drastically, it’s amazing we get any diplomacy accomplished at all.  According to the 12^th edition of “Looking Out, Looking In” (a great Interpersonal Communication textbook),

Western cultures view talk as desirable and use it for social purposes as well as for task performance.  Silence has a negative value in these cultures.  It is likely to be interpreted as lack of interest, unwillingness to communicate, hostility, anxiety, shyness, or a sign of interpersonal incompatibility. Westerners are uncomfortable with silence, which they find embarrassing and awkward.

On the other hand, Asian cultures perceive talk differently. For thousands of years, Asian cultures have discouraged the expression of thoughts and feelings. Silence is valued, as Taoist sayings indicate: “In much talk there is great weariness,” or “One who speaks does not know; one who knows does not speak.”  Unlike most North Americans who are uncomfortable with silence, Japanese and Chinese believe that remaining quiet is the proper state when there is nothing to be said. It Asian cultures, a talkative person is often considered a show-off or insincere. 

Social Roles. We all know the “rules” don’t we?  Nobody sat us down and made us learn them, but we know them.  We know what’s acceptable in our society and what is not.  Gender is impacted greatly by these “rules” for instance.  In today’s world, if women in our culture want to be firefighters, or construction workers, nobody thinks twice.  “You go girl,” is what the “rules” say (I mean, after centuries of fighting for social equality, we’ve earned the “rule” change right?).  Ok, going with that whole social equality idea:  If men want to be hair-dressers, or interior designers in today’s society—what is thought then?  In fact, I bet you thought it just now didn’t you?  Why is that?  Why are the “rules” different for women & men? The “rules” or our social roles have a HUGE impact on our perceptions.    

Relational Roles.  I sure changed my perception of the world and the people in it when I became a parent! 

Occupational Roles.  The kind of work we do influences our view of the world and the people in it.  Again from the “Looking Out Looking In” text:

Imagine five people taking a walk through the park. One, a botanist, is fascinated by the variety of trees and other plants. Another, a zoologist, is looking for interesting animals. The third, a meteorologist, keeps an eye on the sky, noticing changes in the weather. The fourth companion, a psychologist, is totally unaware of nature, instead concentrating on the interaction among the people in the park. The fifth person, being a pickpocket, quickly takes advantage of the others’ absorption to make some money.

There are two lessons in this little scenario. The first, of course, is to watch your wallet carefully. The second is that our occupational roles shape our perceptions.

In 1971, Philip Zimbardo, a Stanford psychologist set up a mock prison.  He recruited a bunch of middle-class, well-educated young men, and randomly chose half of them to serve as “guards,” and the other half to serve as “prisoners.”  He gave the “guards” uniforms, handcuffs, and other stuff prison guards would use. The “prisoners” were put in cells with metal bars, a bucket for a toilet and camp cots. Zimbardo let the guards establish their own rules for the experiment:  “No talking during meals, rest periods, and after lights out. Head count at 2:30am.” If you didn’t follow the rules, your food was cut.  The “prisoners” started to rebel. Some barricaded their doors with their cots, others went on hunger strikes. Some of the “guards” physically and/or verbally started abusing the “prisoners.” Some of the “prisoners” were put into solitary confinement, or were forced to call each other names or clean out toilets with their bare hands.

This experiment had quickly become a reality for all of the men. Several of the “prisoners” had stomach cramps, headaches, rashes, and wept uncontrollably.  Zimbardo had planned to do his experiment for two weeks but had to stop after six days.  “I knew by then that they were thinking like prisoners and not like people,” he said.  “If we were able to demonstrate that pathological behavior could be produced in so short a time, think of what damage is being done in ‘real’ prisons…”

These were well-educated men who came from similar walks of life who, in less than six days, were turned into abusers and demoralized victims. What does this experiment tell us?  That how we think is a function of our roles in society. What we are is largely decided by what society tells us we are.

Self  Concept.  Extensive research has proven that a person with high self-esteem is more likely to have a high opinion of others, whereas a person with low self esteem is likely to have a low opinion of others (R.C. Savin-Williams, 2001). 

William James said, "To the infant the world is just a big blooming, buzzing confusion."   Does that really change?  I know that a lot of times I still see the world as a big blooming, buzzing mass of confusion!  And it seems like with all these things—progress—or understanding—or diplomacy—or just a casual conversation might be near impossible!  So what do we do?  The same thing we do when we eat Oreos. We check ourselves afterwards (and if you don’t check your teeth after eating Oreos, prepare to be laughed at).

HUGE problems can arise when we treat our perceptions as fact. Especially in relationships.  Consider these two phrases in a clash between partners: 

Person 1: “Why are you mad at me?”             Person 2 thinks: (Who said I was mad?)

Person 2:  “What’s the matter with you?”      Person 1 thinks: (Who said anything was the matter?) 

What happens?  They probably resent the other jumping to conclusions even if the conclusions are accurate. 

In our culture, a better way perhaps to handle situations where perceptions clash is by doing what’s called perception checking. Perception checks include: 

•1. A description of the behavior you noticed. 

•2. At least two possible interpretations of the behavior.

•3. A request for clarification of the behavior. 

Rewind the partner clash tape to just before person 1 says “Why are you mad at me?”.  Then insert this: 

“When you stomped out of the room and slammed the door (1), I wasn’t sure if you were mad at me, or just in a hurry. (2) What’s up? (3)

Wow, how much better might that communication transaction go? 

Ok disclaimer here:  This isn’t a sure fire way to perfectly understand each other (sorry!).  If anyone comes up with one of those sure-fire ways, they are going to be rich beyond belief.  Sometimes a simple “what’s up?” may suffice. Sometimes you aren’t ready to be the calm one who is doing the perception checking, and your non-verbal behavior shows it.  That may come across as condescending.  Also, consider culture.  Perception checking will probably be most effective in cultures that value talk & directness. 

So the moral of this story?  It is unrealistic to expect others to see the world the way we do. So rather than spending a lot of time and heartache on crying “why can’t you see things the way I do?”, perhaps our time would be much better spent by saying “Please explain to me how you see the world.” 

Perhaps then we could see more of the elephant.